Moonbeams filtered to the forest floor in front of Reith and Tyrel as the pair made their way towards Commerce. They walked in contrast of each other; Reith, tall and slender, wore a dark hooded cloak, her green hair mostly covered; Tyrel, short and sturdy, his sword sheathed at his side. The forest opened into a meadow in front of them.
"This will be a good place to rest for tonight," Reith announced as she began setting up camp. Tyrel peered around and noticed a few unusual gray mounds, but not thinking much of them, he began assisting Reith.
Tyrel worked seemingly preoccupied in thought as his facial expressions mirrored his unease. In fact, Tyrel's preoccupation weighed on him so much he failed to notice Reith had stopped setting up camp and stood motionless in the darkness listening to their surroundings.
"Listen." Reith instructed.
The dwarf stopped his work and tilted his ears in the wood nymph's direction. At first, Tyrel heard nothing; then he heard something push through the air towards them.
"Get down!" Reith warned, pushing Tyrel sideways as a rather large object brushed passed their heads and then crashed behind them. Tyrel stood up, drew his sword and rushed toward their attacker. But almost as quickly as the dwarf had been to act, he slowed and sheathed his sword.
"What is it?" Queried Reith.
"A cow..."
"A cow?"
In an act of recognition, Tyrel turned back toward the meadow with its unusual gray mounds and pointed, "the meadow must be full of them."
Reith didn't have much time to process this information as another cow flew by them and landed near the trail opening.
"Let's get back into the woods."
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5 comments:
Problems to work out: (1) Since Gobalee and Kohl were throwing the cows 30 to 50 yards, why didn't Reith and Tyrel see or hear the two when they reached the meadow; why didn't Gobalee and Kohl notice the two setting up camp? (2) I plan on having Reith and Tyrel approach the two throwers and confront them - how should this happen (are they sneaking, are they going to skirt around the meadow, or are they going to shout at the throwers?)
It ate my comment ! ! ! I don't have time to redo it right now,later
xo
(1)At first cow fly-by, I was guessing that maybe R&T were a smaller species, really tall grass, etc. But when they recognized a cow as a cow with no surprise or reference to size I thought maybe the moonbeam reference indicated a low light situation...
(2) R&T are too 'street smart' to just shout at unseen assailants/perpetrators. They will sneak/skirt to assess things thoroughly before approaching K&G.
"They walked in contrast of each other." The sentence is awkward. The way it is written gives an initial impression that how they walk is what causes the contrast. The next sentence clarifies that it IS their physical appearance that the "contrast" refers to and the sentence simply needs refining.
;-}
I remember my other vanished comment... In the first paragraph, 3rd sentence - I am not sure if you are supposed to put a comma between Reith and tall and between Tyrel and short. I like it without but think I was taught to punctuate with wild abandon.
[Personally, I LOVE dashes. (Talk about wild abandon!) My comments fail at anonymity unless I deliberately avoid my ... and - ;-]
I put a semicolon after "They walked in contrast of each other" so as to keep the thought flowing to the description part.
I added commas as suggested.
I lengthened the distance cows were being tossed so that it would be difficult for anyone to see Kohl and Gobalee in the low light situation.
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